My boxes exposed

Yes, I know it's been over a month since I've posted, but geez! I'm new to this whole blog thing! To my faithful readers (hi dad!) I must apologize. I will try to get better at this. Especially when I go part-time at my job--which hopefully will be a few short weeks!

So even though I haven't done much knitting, I have been thinking a lot about it. And yes, thinking about knitting does count! Especially when they are overwhelming thoughts about all your close friends who are pregnant and they'll be expecting something hand knit from their knitter friend. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll come up with something, but I'm a girl who gets overwhelmed easily. Just ask my James how many times he had to rescue me from the pit of junk, moving boxes and tears when I was moving out of my place and into his.

Oh the stress disorganization causes me! It's completely paralyzing. Get this though, (confession time) my room and office are usually a mess. My kitchen drawers are disorganized. Peek into my sock drawer, anything but matching socks can be found. On the bizzar flip side I love, love, love gadgets and organizational office products. Tupperware products send me in a tizzy. Purses with 30+ compartments make me drool. And oh, a closet with all those cubbies for shoes and sweaters?? Don't even ask how I feel about that.

Yesterday, I came to the realization that my life is reflecting those days just over six short months ago of when I was literally drowning in the sea of overflowing moving boxes. It's a weird feeling really. I'm at the highest point of my life to date. I have the most amazing husband (really he is a superhero/psychiatrist/organizer freak--no lie), a great job, wonderful family and friends, a vehicle that now more than runs, my health, a spiritual life that is beyond any compare, need I go on? But for some reason I'm feeling paralyzed. A bit numb.

Lately, that's how I feel when I wake up in the morning. I awake thinking of all my life boxes. And they seem so disorganized and unlabeled and unending and sometime bring me to tears. Please, I know that life is not always neat and tidy. But I'm not wishing for the moon here people. Just some life management.

Maybe that's why I like knitting so much. It's manageable for me. And when there's a mistake there's no clean up or apology needed. Either rip it out and fix it, cut it off and move on, or just set it down in the hopes of someday finishing it. Even when it's in the unfinished state, it's still an organized piece of fiber bliss.

My James pointed out to me that when he rescued me from drowning in that sea of boxes all he had to do was point me to a box and say, "Here. Just pack this one box. Just this one. That's all." And it was like the world began to spin again and I was able to breathe and do just that. Pack that one box. It was crazy. So simple. But for some reason I couldn't see beyond the abyss of chaos.

That all said, I journey on to find that one box. Yes, I'm on a quest for that one box. That one box that will refocus me and give me a sense of accomplishment and courage to move on to the next one. Hmmm maybe it will be the box of "gifts-for-my-expecting-friends." I'll keep you posted.